Donna Noble Pwns All
by CountryGirl914
Summary: Donna decides to take matters into her own hands. Journey's End fic, so HERE BE SPOILERS. YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED. Also: CRACK.


**A/N:** I wrote this while I was at work today. I am a horrible person. And I'm still behind on my fic reading, so if this is like something someone's already written, I apologize.

Of course, my first _Journey's End_ fic (at least, the first Doctor/Rose fic) is crack instead of angst. My mind is strange sometimes. :-/ Hopefully this makes for a welcome change from all the angst out there.

As always, concrit and Brit-picking are welcome.

* * *

The Doctor stood in front of the centre console, staring mournfully at the pulsing column of light. He was alone, yet again. As it should be, he supposed, when he hurt everyone around him.

He continued on in this vein for quite some time, until a pounding at the TARDIS door broke him out of his funk.

He almost ignored it, until a familiar voice joined in.

"Oi!"

Frozen for a moment, he could only stare in shock at the door. Then he leapt into action, running to the entrance and yanking it open.

Donna Noble, ginger and wonderful, came striding in.

"So are you done being emo yet, plonker?" she called over her shoulder as she made her way to the console.

Again, the Doctor could only stare. "_What_?"

The redhead spared him a glance. "I'll take that as a no, then?"

"_What_?!"

She rolled her eyes at him. "Should have known you'd start this."

"But…but," he spluttered, "I took it from you! The memories, everything! You shouldn't be here—this is going to kill you, Donna!"

"Correction," she said, pointing a finger at him. "You _tried_ to take it from me. And don't think you're going to avoid a slap for that, but now's not the time." She continued her story, moving around the console and pressing buttons as she went. "See, that's your problem—you always see things as the worst case scenario, with no way around it. Me, on the other hand, spent a few more seconds thinking with this big Time Lord brain, and found a fix that didn't involve messing with my memories, thank you very much. But I knew you wouldn't believe that it would work, so I had to trick you, let you think you were doing your thing."

"But…but…" He sounded like a broken record. "But how?!"

"Is that really important?"

He looked at her. "Yes!"

Donna smirked. "Too bad, because I'm not telling you. Not now, anyway. Right now I'm more worried about fixing what you've done with Rose and the other Doctor."

He deflated. "There's nothing to fix, Donna. They'll be happy."

She glared at him. "Will they, really? Knowing you're here all by yourself? And look at you—you'll be miserable without Rose. How can that not need fixing?"

Depressed, eyes on the floor, he responded. "Even if it did, there's nothing I can do. The walls between the universes have closed."

"Rubbish. There may be nothing that _you_ can do," she said, "but there's certainly something that _we_ can do. The only reason you couldn't cross between parallel universes before is because the Time Lords were gone, yeah? But there are two Time Lords now. Well, a Time Lord and a human/Time Lord hybrid." She smiled, hand on a lever, and he finally realized that all of her console fondling had been a ruse to start the dematerialization sequence.

"But good enough, right?" she finished, and pulled the lever.

The TARDIS lurched threateningly, throwing him off balance before he could say a word. And he wanted to—say a word, that is. More than one, actually. Enough to let Donna know how insane she was acting. But instead he staggered to the controls to help her, because as depressed as he was, he didn't fancy committing suicide via smacking headlong into the Void.

They moved around the console in synchronicity, and the ship soon settled. The door opened, and he rushed to it. There, beyond the TARDIS, was an achingly familiar beach—

—and two figures, running towards him.

"There," Donna said, and he turned to find her right behind him. "Right where and when we left." She preened. "I'm _such_ a better driver than you." She nodded to the approaching figures. "I'll just leave you with them, then."

"What are you talking about?" he asked in shock. "You can't cross the Void again by yourself!"

"No," she replied, "but this wonderful girl can still travel in space and time in this universe's Vortex. So I'll just let you live the life you've always wanted, and nip forward to pick you up when it's over." She shoved something into his hands, and he looked down to see a piece of TARDIS coral. "Make another ship while you're at it. With the two of you, I'm sure you'll be able to figure it out." He looked back up at her, completely dumbfounded.

"Oh, and remember that smack you weren't avoiding? I'd say it's time for that now."

His head snapped back as palm met cheek. She slapped him so hard that he stumbled and fell out of the TARDIS onto the sand of Bad Wolf Bay. He blinked up at her, slightly stunned.

"See you in about a century, Doctor," she said, grinning, before closing the door with a resounding slam. Before he could even move, his ship disappeared.

"Doctor?" a female voice said hesitantly, and he turned to see Rose and the Doctor…the other Doctor…the new Doctor…oh, this was going to be confusing—to see Rose and his twin staring down at him, eyes wide. Jackie, conveniently, was missing.

"I thought you were gone," Rose said, voice trembling.

"I was," he said, glancing back at the spot where the TARDIS had stood just minutes before. "It…it's…"

"A long story?" his twin supplied, and he nodded.

"Yeah." He looked back up to Rose, and he couldn't stop the words from pouring out. "I would have told you, Rose. I would have. But if I did, you'd never have left."

"I know," she said, eyes shining suspiciously.

Confessions over, a long, awkward silence descended upon them.

His twin finally broke it.

"So…" he said. "Threesome?"

* * *


End file.
